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A Really Weak Attempt to Roast EVERY Kit

Discussion in 'Super Smash Mobs' started by PewDiePizza, Mar 3, 2020.

  1. I'm doing this as a joke, please don't take it seriously and get upset because if you do, then you're a big dumb and I will reply "ok boomer" to your negative comment. I think that is a fair warning. Yes, I feel that some of the stuff I will write in here is true to some extent, but I am not using it to hurt anyone's feelings. This is just my lame excuse of a joke post.

    Skeleton: Okay so I've literally only noticed like 2 player categories for Deceased Man. The main one is that you're so fRiCKen bad at it and you die all 4 times in like 1 minute OR you're an annoying tryhard person that bowspams and runs away for the WH0LE GAME. There is literally no in-between.

    Iron golem: This kit is for people who always complain about losing a fight due to trash armor. And then 90% of the time, they still die.

    Spider: AAAAAA I HATE BUGS!! Too bad this thing is too big to stomp. It'd probably just drink the insecticide like it was Sprite anyways. Can't think of many things much worse than getting trapped in webs that just came out of a spider's butt and then they shoot poison arrows at you while you're trapped. Legit this is the most basic spider strategy ever.

    Slime: Who knew a block of mush could be so deadly? Literally the only times I've ever lost to a slime player is when they're running for the whole time and spamming their high dmg, high kb attacks. You know, something that anyone with over 20 IQ can figure out how to do.

    Enderman: I'm sure everyone wishes that block toss had a cooldown of like 5 years. That seems reasonable enough, right? Who likes getting hit in the head by blocks all the time? Ouch. *brain damage intensifies*

    Squid: Squid is gross. Literally no one wants to fight it because it will probably transfer its salmonella to you. Then you die. But not from the food poisoning. You die because you're not smart enough to get out of fish flurry and it kills you in 2 seconds. But then squids also think they're gangsta because they have a gun full of ink sacs. Like bruh that's gross.

    Creeper: Creeper seems like an absolutely great kit to use at first. Creeper's just in general a cool mob when it isn't trying to kill you. But then you see a creeper from SSM, and oof. Throwing sulfur bomb every 2 seconds is a great way to relieve your stress and win a game easily. Can't think of anyone who gets all excited when they find out they have to play with a creeper.

    Wolf: AAAAA THESE DARN FURRRIES!.. Wolves were my favorite animal until I started playing this game, but then I got thousands of different cases of rabies and... yeah. Well you may as well be screwed if your pathetically weak body is being held down by a puppy. I feel like wolf is one of the most hated things on this entire game, and why should I have any reason to disagree?

    Snowman: You know that feeling we all had as kids... that after you abandoned your freshly built snowman while you went inside for the night and it just stalked the whole neighborhood before it returned back to it's original spot come morning? Ok, so maybe it was only me who thought that... BUT WAIT! THIS IS ACTUALLY REAL? Imagine telling people that you got killed by a snowman because you lost a snowball fight. And then you say that it tried building stairs over the land so it could get closer to the sun... to kill itself.

    Magma cube: Magma's rightful spot is exactly where it is now- the lowest tier, right next to that god-awful chicken. Because let's face it, the only way you can have a chance with this kit is by being the most annoying person in the lobby. Which might not actually be that hard if you just run a whole bunch. Then the game lasts forever until it just stops so actually, no one wins!

    Witch: Ok so daze potion is basically a rip-off of sulfur bomb. Short cooldown with high kb but slightly less damage. Still annoying though. Then the recovery. Yeah, sure, tying a bunch of bats to a string and expecting them to be able to rescue yo' butt after you fall down is definitely a great idea!

    Skeletal horse: Wow another dead thing. Hey, where do these extra bones from bone rush come from? Uhh better not think about that too hard. This kit is great for you if you're literally trash at fighting. Just run and camp for the whole time and only approach people when your attacks get recharged. THIS IS WHY NO ONE LIKES YOU

    Wither Skelly: What this guy is lowkey teaming on me with himself! Reported! This kit is for when you want to team up in SSM, but you have no friends.

    Cow: Yeah shooting milk at people definitely isn't weird at all. Cow doesn't take that much brains to use either, it's just got a pretty trash recovery.

    Zombie: Last time I checked, zombies weren't supposed to be this fast or be able to shoot bows. And literally every turd wars tryhard uses this as a kit. Then y'all get killed by a green corpse.

    Pig: Pigs are actually supposed to be really smart, but that's not what you would think if you saw one in game. This kit takes no effort and getting hit in the face with raw meat can be irritating. Then what, why are there spontaneously combusting piglets in here too? Now that's just cruel. Don't deny it, you pig.

    Blaze: Wow this kit is one of the most expensive in the game? I'm so cool now! I'm gonna fry these plebs with my... mad spamming skills! Oh wait, there's another blaze here? Welp, I'm screwed. Other blaze: isn't even a blaze main, so it actually knows how to melee a little better.

    Chicken: What, too chicken to fight? Fly away, little bird! See you at dinner! Well to be a little more serious, fighting chickens is really annoying because all they do is fly around and kill you with their kids.

    Guardian: A kit that looks like it's constantly having a seizure. I'm not sure how many other people have noticed this, but they're literally twitching every time I go to hit them.

    Sheep: w0w, cAnt beLIEve I w0rKeD soooOOOOoo00 hard for a kit this trash! Okay kid, lemme tell you a secret. You see that tree? No, not that one! The tall one, idiot! Go up there and wait. And spam static laser so much that it don't let no one get close enough to you.

    Villager: What, why did they move the game amplifier? Oh wait, this kit actually exists now. Uh, how are you supposed to use this? Literally only 5 people are actually good at this and everyone else just gave up on learning it. Oh well, why would you want to be an ugli human anyways when you can be literally anything else?

    Uhh yeah you better thank your balls that I'm sick today otherwise I wouldn't have had the time to type this depressing masterpiece. Also please ignore any typing errors, I did this whole thing on my phone and autocorrect only works when I dont want it to. I'm also probably really going to regret posting this...
    Posted Mar 3, 2020,
    Last edited Mar 4, 2020
    Mitchy and fallacious like this.
  2. I clicked on this thread just to see the one for skeleton horse haha.
    Posted Mar 3, 2020
  3. Hope it met your standards :)
    OP OP
    OP OP Posted Mar 4, 2020
  4. I know this is a joke, but someone actually tried to report me for teaming when it was a 1v1 and I was wither. They thought my clone was an actual player!
    Posted Mar 4, 2020
    PewDiePizza and Mitchy like this.
  5. this man is damn right about slime! #supersmashslime
    Posted Mar 7, 2020
    PewDiePizza likes this.
  6. As an IG main, I get one roast a lot:
    "Hey look at your nose"
    "Long nose like garden hose" ._.
    Posted Mar 11, 2020
    Mitchy and PewDiePizza like this.

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